Archive | October 2015

It’s Not My Fault

How many of you remember having a house guest as a child? I do. I can’t tell you when they showed up just that they were always there. I never saw them but they seemed to get into a lot of trouble. Still don’t know who they were? They were the additional child you mother never gave birth to and they were your best friends. As a matter of fact they are still around now. They go by the name of “not me”, “I’ don’t know” and “I didn’t do it” and they were your scapegoat.

As a child it was easy to place blame on someone else but part of our ascent into adulthood is learning to take responsibility for our actions and to face whatever consequences come as a result of our decisions-good or bad. Unfortunately too many adults still have a child’s mentality and find it easy to blame others for the position they are in. Society doesn’t help. They are constantly telling us that our problems are not our fault. If you’re overweight blame the fast food restaurant. It can’t possibly be because you don’t exercise or eat the right foods. If you not able to get a good education it’s because your parents didn’t have enough money never mind the fact that there are scholarships available or you could actually work your way through college.

Our young women get caught up in the lie believing that their worth is made up of shaking their butts and sleeping around. Our young men get caught up in the lie that they are only good for selling drugs or selling women. Believing those lies makes it easier to place blame and continue making bad choices. But here’s the thing just as we chose to take the wrong road we can choose to take the right road. No matter what situation we are faced with we all eventually end up at the fork in the road. Do we go left or right? Do we choose to continue blaming others or do we move on with our lives? Blaming others is the comfortable choice because we’ve done it all our lives but there is so much peace, joy and possibility in moving on. Jesus didn’t come and die on the cross for us not to live an abundant life.

Women your worth is not made up of your hair, your butt, your thighs, your breasts-your worth is made up of your spirit, your heart, your soul and the purpose God has placed in you. Men you were created for more than just selling drugs and women-you were made to be the protector, provider, leader and a reflection of God’s love.

Let’s stop making excuses or blaming others and start living the life God has for us.

We Are What We Speak

This past weekend I attended a workshop dedicated to empowering women to be the best they can be. There were many words of affirmation speaking to the beauty of who we are and the diversity of who we are. It was awesome to witness women being uplifted & celebrated and I left there feeling like I could take on the world but I also left there contemplating why women, particularly women of color, have difficulty speaking life into one another.

Let me ask you a question? What is the first thought that comes into your mind when a woman you don’t know walks into the room? Are you wondering if she could be someone you could connect with or are you looking her up and down judging her outfit? I’ll be honest, I’ve done both but I’ve done more judging than trying to connect. Those thoughts of judgement always turn into words of criticism. The bible tells us we have the power of life and death in our words we only need to choose (Proverbs 18:20).Too often though we choose death instead of life.

Somewhere along the line we get it in our heads that we are better than the next one and therefore have the right to judge and speak negatively about her either to her face or to others. I previously talked about the negative thoughts we have about ourselves but a lot of those thoughts stem from words that people have said to us.

Here’s the thing God wants us to be a positive influence in people’s lives. We are the light of the world and we are made to reflect Him (Matthew 5:13; Genesis 1:27). God is love and as His creation we should be love as well. There are countless examples in the bible where Jesus spoke life into someone’s situation-the woman at the well, the woman caught in adultery, the man with the legions of demons and even the thief on the cross. After each encounter with Jesus those individuals lives were changed for the better. Not because He excused their behavior but because He gave them hope.

Are your words leaving people hopeful or hopeless?

Join me next time insight on how we talk to God.


A month ago I posted about what I learned and talked about how I came one step closer to having a prayer answered that I’ve praying about for as long as I can remember. Well today I took another step forward – the surgery has been approved.

I thank God for his faithfulness and for always giving us what we need in His timing and not our timing. Had I gotten this taken care of in my twenties or thirties I wouldn’t have been able to handle it. My self-image was very low and I would have been doing it in hopes of being liked but THANK YOU JESUS that I know who I am in you.

All things in God’s timing and not our own. I still have several more steps to take but as I said before no matter what happens God has my best interest at heart and as long as I trust Him I can’t go wrong (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Until next time…

“I’m Sorry, But I Didn’t Realize That It Was My Wireless Provider’s Job To Fix My Face”

Personally I had no idea this was an app on my phone (yes I have a Samsung) but it won’t be soon. How many more things is society going to throw at us to try and make us feel inadequate? No thank you.

The Positive Black Woman™

As I scrolled through Facebook one Sunday afternoon, I saw someone’s photo that I knew very well and was amazed at the person’s clear skin and slim face. Why was I amazed because I just recently saw the person and her face is not clear nor is she slim. I am not hating here, I am going somewhere with this stay with me. Not too long ago we were fighting the media for selling us the airbrushed images of our favorite stars. We said this gave us a poor image of ourselves because women especially would compare themselves to unrealistically beautiful, thin, airbrushed women. So because we now have the capability to edit and correct our own imperfections, it’s okay?

Medium mag says “apparently, Samsung thinks your face could use some work” and we just went along with it. Now, when we take a “selfie” the Beauty Image app turns on automatically…

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2, 4, 6, 8 How Do We Communicate?

Communication. A word that seems simple but can be so complicated.

The dictionary defines communication as “the imparting or exchanging of information or news” or “means of connection between people or places, in particular” and there is not a minute that goes by where we aren’t hit by some form of communication. We get personal or work emails. We’re on social media. We watch television or listen to the radio. But the most important types of communication we should be paying attention to is the communication we have with ourselves, with each other and with God.

Whether we want to admit or not we all have conversations with ourselves most of which happen in our head. We are constantly having thoughts about ourselves and sadly most of those are negative. How many times have you said or thought, “I can’t do that” or “I don’t deserve to be happy” or “I will never forgive myself”. And we wholeheartedly believe it. We consistently stop ourselves from achieving what we want because somewhere along the way we developed the habit of speaking negativity into our lives.

The twelve men Moses sent to survey the land of Canaan, the land that God had already promises the children of Israel, came back with a negative report because they feared the people that lived there. As a result they never got to see the promised land (Numbers 13). Judas couldn’t forgive himself for betraying Jesus and his unforgiveness caused him to kill himself (Matthew 27:4-5).

But that’s not how God wants us to live. The bible tells us in Philippians 4:8 that we should think on things that are true and positive. Not in an unrealistic way but in a healthy way. Yes, we may not be good a certain things. Yes we may have limitations. But that shouldn’t keep us from trying and moving forward. How we see ourselves and what we think about ourselves go hand in hand and God knew that we would struggle with this which is why He is always telling us throughout His word to see ourselves the way He see’s us…forgiven and redeemed.

God doesn’t see us as secondhand, used goods. He see’s us as a treasure to beautiful to behold. He loves us, cares for us and believes in us. Why can’t we do the same?

Next time I’ll talk about the communication we have with each other.